What Are You Doing Here?

"Then the word of the Lord came to him, saying, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?'" (I Kings 19:9)

I like this scene. Elijah is on the lam from Jezebel's troops, having said all kinds of politically incorrect things about her and her gods, and wanders into a cave where God asks him this question. Now I think God knows what Elijah is doing there and asks the question to make Elijah stop and really think about what he's up to.

It's an interesting question because the answer can go in many different directions depending on which word is emphasized: "What", "you", "doing", or "here". Try it....interesting, huh?

I've been working on the "doing" part lately. This long-term mission business is a tricky one. It's one thing if you fill cavities and fix rotten teeth all day, or teach someone to read and write, or drill water wells. Those things have clearcut, tangible effect. But what if you don't do any of those things? Then, what are you doing here?

For a number of reasons, the "work" I came here to do hasn't quite taken shape, so it's really made me get to that Elijah-in-the-cave place of taking a hard look at the mission. Before I came here I pompously wrote about how important just "presence" would be. That's a great theological construct, isn't it? Sounds great......Being present, standing up with people, supporting them, blah blah blah. But what does that actually look like? Now 3 months on, I'm not sure. Because at the end of the day the people here will go back to their cold homes, try to find something to eat, and wake up tomorrow to checkpoints still in place. I don't know that they'll be all that thrilled about my "presence," which didn't affect any of that. How much of this is just imperialism with a feel-good twist?

And yet. And yet. Somehow, I know it's not just about doing or fixing. My friend Jesse has written much more eloquently than I can about this, but outside the rational logic of it I feel certain there is something valuable about being on mission even when we're not doing anything. Maybe it's not about any specific help, maybe it's more about lining up with the forces of life against the forces of destruction. Maybe it's about living something out even when you don't understand it. Maybe it's simply about not being able to figure everything out and learning to live with that. Or is this just more theological construction?

This is a recurring topic of conversation for many of us here. I think it's probably a healthy conversation, even when it gets a little cynical. There are things at stake, but more than that I feel like we ought to be always on the lookout for getting hijacked by unconscious motivations. The Empire does alot of that in places like this and people suffer from it. So I hope that continuing to at least try to answer God's question - whether answers come or not - will keep us alert and in sight of the people we're supposed to be here with and for.

What are you doing here?